#im so homesick it hurts

[xx-poetry-witch-xx]

i think my problem with not getting therapy is that shit only gets bad when im alone because that’s the only time i let myself feel things because i hate expressing symptoms in front of people so like during the day when i should like actually be reaching out to people i convince myself that im fine because if i wasn’t it wouldn’t matter whether or not people were around i would be experiencing symptoms all the time which i do i do experience those symptoms they’re just not visible which means they’re not bad enough therefore i do not deserve help until they are which happens when im alone at night and the cycle continues and i think thats my problem but i dont know how to break it because theres another little part of my brain that forgets to do anything and everything productive like i havent done like any actual homework in weeks and my grades are like falling dude im praying i do well enough on these midterms just to fucking pass im so fucking stressed out but im too worked up to try and actively change anything because at this point i am just trying to make it day to day and even hour to hour is a struggle so how the fuck am i supposed to make changes and better myself when i am barely even making it to the next fucking hour like what am i even supposed to do at this point anyway this is just a rant please dont send me messages that are like do this or do this i fucking know and thats also part of my problem is that im overly analytical and do a lot of reasearch so i can help myself but when things are still bad because emotions dont follow logic and im going to feel things anyway i dont know how to handle it so i just im fine okay im fine i just need to get through these next two weeks and go the fuck home

[schizononagesimus]

ive had a couple breakdowns over not moving, naturally, and was mostly fine with it the last couple days and got myself together until a few mins ago i saw the scene in oitnb where they're playing hey there delilah with poussey and the germans.. and now im totally breaking down again. Yes im living my au. But this isnt how it's supposed to happen

[torahtot]

I DONT WANNA MOVE IN TODAY. im sick

[t4tdanvis]

Gene’s missing most of his memories from his life before the nether because his solution to feeling upset is to just, erase whatever’s making him feel that way about the nether. He can’t remember his mom’s face or her name, or the little street cat he used to sneak food to whenever he went on patrol, or how happy he was playing with Dante when they were little. He can’t remember how nice it felt to sit in the rain or what it was like laying in the grass to watch the stars, or how Dante would always come sleep in his room during storms and he’d pretend the thunder didn’t scare him too.

AUGH im gonna start . cryinf

[killer-wizard]

being a system is so fun. but then. the Horrors

[pepprs]

at around this time 3 yrs ago i was having my first panic attack after which i would barely leave my bed for 2 days <3 happy february 8 to you and yours

[satiricaily]

leaving home truly never gets any easier

[hushlittlewallflower]

Started sobbing as soon as I made it through my door

Gotta love today

[dykelectric]

good heavens

waiting for my flight to nyc!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lausaivrse]

YOU FELL FIRST, HE FELL TOO LATE ! ft. kazuha kaedehara.

pairings. kazuha kaedehara x gender neutral! reader.

warnings. pure angst no comfort, that's it.

synopsis. “she fell first, he fell too late” trope with the infamous wandering samurai Kazuha, in which he realized he loves you far too late.

notes. since im having a rough day, i decide to hurt all of you :) + angst are the only thing occupying my brain rn.

KAZUHA KAEDEHARA ! - wandering samurai.

he’s a wanted criminal in inazuma, he always travels with The Crux and coming back after a month. kazuha loves you but he simply doesn’t want you to always wait for him and he doesn't wanna make you feel neglected either, so you finally giving up on him is a good sign, right?

wrong instead of feeling glad that you finally gave up on him and focus on your life he felt sick to the stomach - something about not seeing you in the docks after the crux arrive after sailing for so long makes him feel crushed.

why does it feel like it wasn't supposed to be like this? why does he craves your existence and presence? why does he longs to see you in the docks eagerly waiting for him? the answer was always clear to him.

KAZUHA had always admired you - everything about you was entrancing from your eyes, hair, hands and your facial features - you look absolutely breathtaking. something that is worth to be written in a poem - something worth to be etched in his mind.

but no matter how much he longs to embrace you, shower you with affections, press his lips against yours he knows better than be with you - most people would say he is the ideal lover if you just ignore the tittle “fugitive” under his name.

he simply doesn't want to make you wait till he's back only to leave again after a month and he knows that you get homesick easily - and he doesn't wanna make you feel like you're being neglected either so he just decide to downplay your confession every time even if he also feel the same.

as The Crux finally arrive back in Liyue, the first thing that KAZUHA’S crimson eyes do is search for a familiar figure - something within him felt hopeful that you will be there and meet him after sailing for so long but he only sees a few people and you weren't a part of it. you weren’t there to meet him, unlike how you usually do.

panic rise up into his whole body as he hurriedly left The Crux and began searching for you, you we’re not in the docks waiting for him so where we’re you? We’re you busy that you didn’t have time to visit him? no, that can’t be the case - KAZUHA knows even though you we’re busy you can still make time for him so what change now?

it didn't take long for him to jump off from the ship and immediately started looking for you, asking people if they had seen you but to no avail - no one even know about your whereabouts or do they? Praying to the seven archons above that at least one person might know about where you are.

after what felt like eternity he finally found someone who really know about where you are, relief wash over him as he went to the place where you're currently are. feeling excited about seeing you after months of sailing away but that excitement soon faded when he saw you holding hands with someone - smiling ear to ear with the man you're currently and what hurts the most is that it’s the same smile you always gave to KAZUHA and to add salt to the wound the man gave you a intimate kiss in your lips, the same lips he wished to mold into his - he wished, no, he wanted it to be just a hallucination and it was not real, maybe he’s just tired from all the traveling, right? Maybe that's it!

but no he was seeing it all oh so clearly, he should be happy now that you’re moving on from him and finally found someone who would never leave you because of his dreams of traveling the world but it didn’t hurt any less to see the person he loved so dearly finally found someone - someone who isn't him.

what if he pushed those thoughts aside and just accept your love for him? what if he just didn’t let his over thinking get a hold of him and his emotions would he be the one kissing you instead? the one who will hold you in his arms and pamper you with the affections and shower you with affirmations that you deserve? the one who will be sending you haikus and letters while he was away? maybe it would if he hadn’t just played off your feelings and accept them early.

“Maybe I had loved you far too late..”

a soft sigh left the platinum blonde’s lips as his crimson eyes watched your figure with that man fades in his view, archons knows what will happen to the both of you - but he knows he can’t change what had happened so all he could do was wished you the happiest relationship you have but at the same time he wants you to want him too. to love him instead.

“I wished you a happy relationship, my dearest but I do hope you'll.. want me soon too.”

[twisted-king]

Hi! Hello! I was wondering if you wrote any platonic hecs in twst? If you do, can you write gn!mc always finding a away to mention/talk about her home world? Maybe add a little bit of homesickness for angst👀.

Platonic hcs with the first years pls:>

Btw I really love you writing style!♡

AAAA oh my gosh thank you so much! I have no idea what im really doing aha...

Absolutely!!! here's a key:

Epel Ace Deuce Sebek Jack You

First year friend group + Reader who talks about home

They love you

they REALLY do

But this is excessive.

"Back at the farm we used to drink hot cider after a long day out in the snow, actually one time we-" "Heh.. like how my mom and I used to..." "Used to what?" "Oh its nothing... Just a tradition. We'd get together every Tuesday and go for bubble tea" "Oh..."

Epel understands feeling far from home, and he wants to try and relate with you but he doesn't know about half the stuff you're saying.

"hahah I got a higher score than you this time. Mayeb you shoulda studied a bit harder like lil ol me~" "Shut up Ace! It's a difference of like... two points!" "Two more points than you!" "oh you-" "My friends and I used to compare scores all the time, she always asked for help studying but.. haha she always got better grades than me."

They feel SO awkward when this happens

Deuce almost feels like he's showing off in some kind of way. He wants to be an honor student AND a good friend to you, so he's trying to creatre new memories with you, he's just having some trouble.

"Hey! I uh- I learned out to make one of Trey's tart! The one from the unbirthday party you liked so much?" "Oh thank you Deuce! It's kind of funny actually-" oh no,,, "My sibling and I used to bake for each other to say sorry."

Ace on the other hand is curious, but he kind of wishes you could be with the group sometimes.

"And then Lucius was like-- On top of Deuce- get this- while he was STILL sleeping" "No way..!" "Seriously?" "Hah- how pathetic, I NEVER fall asleep in Trein's... admittedly dull, lessons." "I used to have a dog, he could sleep anywhere"

And suddenly, it's quiet again...

Jack tries to keep your mind off things

He takes you out on relatively silent runs, he invites you to track meets, you can join or just watch him and Deuce! You've been looking a little down recently so, this makes sens to Jack, Deuce enjoys having you watch him run too, his friends give him extra motivation to beat his last personal best!

But... now you're crying?

Ohnowhatdoido.jpeg

Ace, Epel, and Sebek are on their way too, they wanted to do something nice for you and suprise you and -oh no...

They drop everything.

Your friends rush toward you, maybe you're hurt? you like... NEVER cry around them.

And suprisingly, Sebek can get you through the worst of it

"You're sad. and far from home. and that is hard. Especially for a pu ny huma-" "Sebek!!" "Right, uh... But we are here with you now. And we care for you."

"You're our best friend, I don't think anyone would be 'round here if it weren't for you."

"I don't feel as alone, riding solo just... wasnt it."

"'Sides, class isnt nearly as fun without you in it?"

"We really care about you, Prefect. You're our friend."

They gather around you, peacefully letting you cry after they let you know how muhc you mean to them.

"I just... I miss home so much..!"

[opal-owl-flight]

Quick lore question, did marie considering the idea of replacing 4 play into the insecurities she has later?

Absolutely.

I wanna preface this by saying one thing: Young 4 was a COMPLETELY different person before she got recruited by Marie. And Marie...responds to her accordingly.

Long read abt Hero2 events below!! Its. A lil messy sorry qisjke these are my notes

Young 4? A bitch.

Everything she ever wanted was given to her. Moved out of the highlands with an ego the size of a planet (and also bc she felt suffocated there), thinking she can make it in the big city.

...she struggled to make it alone. She had moved out bc her family was suffocating her with love, but now theyre not here, so now she feels homesick and underappreciated.

All that is expressed by her harsh, bitchy attitude. Shes gonna be mean bc no one has seen her for who she is. She'll show them!!

She finds her way around like this, and discovers that shes just as good at turf war here and at home. In fact, shes *so* good that she got the status of a rising star!

It aaalll just gets into her head. Shes "proven everyone wrong" now. Shes got the superiority complex and can back it up.

Marie...

...saw this. She was looking for a new agent to help find the missing zapfish. The second 4 heard this from her, she flexed her arms and...

"Look no further, your hero is RIGHT HERE!"

Marie at first adored the spunkiness of this new agent. Uuuntil 4 started thinking that shes better than her.

"Watch out, Agent Four!"

"You watch YOURSELF, grandma! Think Im a damn idiot to not see that coming? WAHA!"

Marie rolled up her sleeves after several stages full of her ignoring orders or sassing her out of nowhere.

Is that how shes gonna be? Fine.

When 4 finally trips and falls, hard, on a particularly difficult level, Marie pulls her to the side to fix her up and give her a lecture that tore her fucking ego to shreds.

She says something so fucking harsh like "That attitude will make SURE that you die sad and alone. I wonder how anyone puts up with you."

4s too hurt by her own failure to say anything back.

The reality of war finally gives her a reality check. Each victory is earned. its her life on the line. And the world.

She regains her spunk after saving the world.

------

Silly 4. She gets the job done but it takes a LOT of pushing in the mid-stages. Its like she got legitimately bored after the initial super easy ones, and thought the entire campaign a joke.

She went back to her turfing life topside between stages. And she takes a WHILE to come back to her missions -- usually late!! And then before she even goes in she just HAS to yak Marie's face off with what she was doing up there.

"Youre late."

"You shouldve SEEN ME, Marie!! I was carrying that Rainmaker round! I was-"

"Pray tell, Agent Four. How will you keep participating in turf with the Zapfish gone?"

"Whaat? Cmon. Nothing seems to be changing! Theres still power through the city!"

"The backup supply wont last forever, you know."

"Yeah yeah. Okay. Im here now. Wheres the next kettle?"

This attitude is from her high school days, clearly. She breezes by everything so fast that she can afford to do things last minute. It affects even this.

That, alongside her talking smack back to Marie, is what makes her snap at 4. Its what makes 4 stick to the mission fully starting late area 4 and area 5. (This is also around the time 4s life was threatened. God help me in those stupid platforming stages)

Post Hero2, 4 more or less does what 3 does. Shes the "replacement" til 3 comes back. (That cant be good for her confidence.)

At the same time, she has to deal with Callie and Marie talking out what the fuck Callie did with Octaria. "THEY SQUIDNAPPED GRAMPS!!!" and all. Why help them??? They get into squabbles where 4 was the unfortunate witness to. And peacemaker. It does NOT help that Callie for a while kept putting the glasses back on!!!

4 wishes so bad she had help of any sort. She feels 3 might be able to do something but what does she know?? Shes never met em!! She just imagines what the missing agent would do in that situation.

Callie...was also the person she got close to. Shes fun (unlike the stuck up Marie), shes empathic, she opened 4s eyes to the Octarian plight. It made her acceptance of 8 later much smoother.

Im not saying shes not close to Marie either, I bet they healed their relationship around this year too. Marie's sorry she tore 4s ego the way she did (even if deserved...). Marie's much more supportive of what 4s doing topside. Shes expressing her pride in the agent she found much more openly. (She brags abt her to Callie at times.)

The three of them heal together in that time. 4 sees them as older sisters Im p sure. Theyre both giving her tips for turfing and -- Marie even helps her with homework, HAH

And...while I say that 4 and Marie are in better terms, there are still days where Marie blows up on her. Lesser extent than before, but shes *worried* for her agent! (Its a similar plight 3 has.) In those times, its Callie who has her back. ("Hey! Its not like shes not trying!!" Callie understands how it is, and she also knows Marie best -- shes the one who makes 4 understand where Marie is coming from.)

[lalunanymph]

𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐑 - itoshi r, itoshi s

✧˚ · . a tornado meeting a hurricane, a wild flame catching onto dry straw—that was how it felt like to love the both of them: disastrous.

✧˚ · . love triangles, heavy tones of ch[e]ating, mentions of alc[o]hol, mentions of food, s[m]ut, injuries, ph[o]ne seggs (w. sae), all characters are aged up, 10k+ words because im sick like that

✧˚ · . she’s finally back and ready to make everyone sob again

masterlist | playlist

#3 — HABITS OF OUR HEART

Sae frowned at his phone, unsure of what to make of your radio silence. 

It was unlike you to ever leave him high and dry. Usually, he could count on your sweet messages to sustain him throughout the day with the promise of hearing your voice at night to top off another hectic training session. The picture of you smiling on his wallpaper teased him with the yearning for home, and he thought it wouldn't hurt to give you a call to see how you were doing. 

The prolonged dial tone upped his worries, and he was close to caving in and asking Rin to check up on you (again) when you answered the call in a scratchy voice. 

“Baby?” 

Sae felt like all the air in his lungs had returned to him. “Y/N?” Unused to being this vulnerable in front of someone, his tone took a defensive turn. “Why haven’t you been texting me back lately? Is something the matter? Did I…” He hesitated, a sudden lump in his throat obstructing his next accusation. Instead, it made him whisper the next part, suddenly afraid that he had done something to push you away. “Did I make you angry?” 

Your reassurance was immediate. “Wh—no! No, Sae. We’re fine, promise. I’m just super busy at work now and putting in more hours so I can take a long leave and spend it with you.”

The steel band constricting his thoughts and breath into one tight, tense knot, eased. “Oh. Then why didn’t you tell me?” 

He hated how whiny he sounded; this wasn’t like him at all. But, you had some strange hold over him to make a self-assured famous footballer lose his footing and grovel for your attention. 

How strange. 

Sae hated this new development with every fibre of his being, but he couldn’t stay away. Your soft laugh was the sweetest balm to his bruised ego, and your avoidance did not hurt as much anymore when you cooed and asked him if he was eating well.

“I miss you s’much, Sae,” you mumbled, and he could hear minute rustling in the background, like you were laying back on your bed. The mental image of you spread out for him, pussy wet and waiting, a hazy smile playing on the corners of your lips like it always did when he was about to claim you as his again, made his cock throb. 

“Miss you, too, baby.” He padded towards the hotel room window, staring out at the traffic below. The man staring back from his reflection was more worn out than he expected, the circles under his eyes almost carved into his skin. He scrubbed one hand down his face, feeling homesick and world-weary at the same time. “Can I video-call you? Haven’t seen you in a bit.”

You didn’t miss a beat. “Sure.” 

Ending the call, he swiped at the vibrating notification which pulled up a soothing image of your smile from a thousand miles away, your eyes filling with concern when they raked up and down his weathered face. “Baby, have you been sleeping well?” 

He could barely focus on your words. His guess was right; you were laying in bed, wearing one of his old jerseys. The well-worn cotton settled perfectly on your curves and he could plainly imagine his name embossed across your back. It made all his blood and rationale run down south. Without another second of hesitation, he sat down on one of the plush hotel sofa chairs, tugging down the band of his sweatpants and grasped the pulsing base of his cock. His usually apathetic gaze was alight with an unnamed emotion, and he sensed you were waiting for a reply. 

“I will be when you’re here with me.” Fuck—what sappy, corny shit. But, Sae was starting to realise that a man at the mercy of pleasure would say anything and everything in the heat of the moment. Your half-lidded, sleepy eyes sparked with life when you heard a wet squelch. 

“Sae… baby, are you touching yourself?” 

Might as well show you since the cat was out of the bag. 

Switching from the front camera to the back one, the dual screens showed your parted lips and slowly warming cheeks while the bigger display showcased his leaking cock firmly in his fist. 

“Oh.” 

He noticed you biting your lip, and your camera switched to a front view of his jersey inching up the expanse of your bare thighs. Sae’s breath hitched when your naked pussy came into view, the teasing dark triangle between your legs hinting of your warm walls which he missed with every beat of his homesick heart. 

“Fuck, Y/N.” He started stroking himself the same moment you parted your thighs, skimming your shaky fingers down the rise of your hip bone to sweep through your seam and gather the unmistakable wetness there. Sae choked back on a moan when you focused the camera on those same fingers playing with your viscous, honey-like arousal, before plunging them back into your gaping hole and slowly fucking yourself with them.

“Sae…” 

Both your calls were silent enough to pick up on each other’s heavy breathing. It felt like months since he had your sweet pussy, and he halfway wished he was closer to home; closer to you. He missed the achingly intoxicating scent of vanilla which always seemed to emanate from the beloved crook of your neck. He yearned for your touch, your kisses, your smiles—they always managed to brighten up his day no matter how shitty it was. 

“Look at you,” he groaned. Luckily, the camera was not focused on his face—Sae was self-conscious like that. He rarely made love to you during the day time, preferring to keep his vulnerability and heart bare for you when night fell. He was determined to never let the world see this side of him where such sensitivity was reserved for your viewing pleasure only. “So fuckin’ sexy… you drive me crazy.” 

His half-mast gaze was caught on how shiny and slippery your fingers were; how you rubbed your clit and fucked yourself with three fingers until your hips started to buck.

“Nghh—Sae!” 

“That’s right,” his voice was rougher, edged with lust. “Say my name, baby. Who does that pussy belong to?” 

“Y-you,” the sharp gasp coming from his headphones almost had him spilling into his fist. “B-belongs to you, Sae.” 

He grunted, head tossed back and face shining with sweat. “Damn right—f-fuck… m’gonna cum, baby… cum with me.” 

It was not a request but an order. You had no choice but to comply if you wanted to show him the true depth of your devotion. 

An almost cruel smirk overtook his usual placid features, and he wished he was there with you to pace you through your release. Even through the small display, he could savour the visual of your back arching, your hips circling in a desperate plea to be consumed by this twinflame of burning desire you both held for one another. Sae felt his balls tightening and he bit on his lower lip to stifle a moan, streaks of white painting his palm.

“Oh, god… Sae… m’wanna lick you all up, baby.” 

In the haze of his orgasm, the impact of your words managed to strike him hard, and he halfway wished the same; that you were here, on your knees, mouth open and ready to clean up his mess. He would give you the sloppiest kiss once you did, and maybe he might even run you a bath afterwards to soothe your tense muscles.

“Mmm, tryna make me come home earlier, baby?” 

His teasing was met with silence on your end, and Sae shook off some of the lingering fugue to check if his phone had accidentally froze. 

“I don’t wanna come in between you and work, Sae.” Your mumble of discontent made him frown, and he switched his camera back to his flushed cheeks and thinned mouth. You did the same, and he could tell something was wrong because your eyes were filled with a glossy sheen of tears, and you couldn’t look at him through the screen. 

“What do you mean by that?” He didn’t intend his words to come out harshly, but Sae has always been a blunt man. He couldn’t trade a lifetime of caustic tendencies to suddenly be thoughtful and nice, though he wished in this instance, he damn well could. 

If anything, it would lighten the stormy clouds settling in your usually clear eyes; soothe the ache in your soul which missed him as much as he missed you. 

“I just… come back home when you want, Sae, and not when you think I need you.” 

A flash of hurt struck his chest, though his expression remained impassive. Despite how you had the best of intentions, he couldn’t help but be numb to your kindness and focused instead on the glaring insinuation. 

“You don’t want me to come back?” 

You blinked and your expression turned horrified. “N-no! Sae, that’s not what I meant, I—” you broke off with a tired sigh, and rubbed your temples with your clean fingers. “I just… I do miss you. But, please, focus on your work first. I’ll always be here, yeah? Come back when you need to, okay? I’m here waiting.”

Though your words made him feel marginally better, it soured some of the tenderness he wished he could savour during this afterglow. 

“Right,” he said curtly, and it wasn’t fair to you, but he started to shut down. “I’ll let you know when that is.” 

A beat of silence passed when the both of you said nothing at all. Sae suddenly felt like a neon sign was hovering over him, pulsing the words lukewarm loser lukewarm loser in his direction. A coil of anger curled heavily in his belly, making him feel slightly sick. 

“Look, if you’re not gonna—”

“I love you, Sae,” you cut through whatever harsh bullshit he was poised to spill. Your declaration took him off guard, and he clamped his mouth shut. It was a wise decision, because your smile was touched by the heavens themselves, a gentle glow about you that he did not deserve when you beamed at him through the screen. “Go make us proud. Make your country proud, baby. We’re rooting for you.”

Sae wished he hadn’t spoken too soon and acted out. He felt like the world’s biggest fool, especially when you harboured no ill-will and was just reminding him to put his goals first during this career-defining season. In this sense, he had to thank you for setting his course straight again. 

“I’ll score all my goals for you, angel,” he promised. “Each and everyone of ‘em will be in your name. I hope you know that.” 

Your smile widened. “I do, baby. I’m so proud of you. Go get them, baby.” 

He chuckled, the gesture foreign but welcomed. After all, you were one of the only few people in the world he was comfortable enough to let his guard down and laugh in front of. 

“I will. Sleep tight, Y/N. I… love you, baby.”

Another first in this relationship. 

Sae was infamous for whispering his love confessions into your skin after a bout of sex, but never in broad daylight. This sudden shift would’ve scared him shitless if your gentle beam did not turn into a bright grin. 

“I love you, too, baby.”

He let you end the call first, feeling happy for the first time in days. 

Buoyed by this gentle emotion, he searched through some local florist shops, buying the biggest, flashiest bouquet to be delivered to your apartment the first thing tomorrow evening, in the hopes that this tiny gesture would at least show the magnitude of his love for you. 

Rin couldn’t help but find himself back in front of your door. 

Like siren-song, the call of your presence beckoned him to the deepest edge of the sea where an unmistakable drop loomed, marking his impending demise. But, everytime he raised his fist to knock, he chickened out, rushing back to his car with his hoodie pulled over his head and teal eyes downcast. 

He knew he was growing obsessed with the thought of you; felt it deep in his bones like the icky, hot humiliation of staring at Sae’s trophy collection while his bruised ego festered inside, a raging monster waiting to be unleashed. He supposed this is what defeat tasted like—not like he hadn’t experienced a healthy dose of it already in his short lifetime. The mounting frustration felt familiar in the back of his throat, like a scream building and building until it was unleashed in a loud cry.

This same feeling reminded him of using his brother’s achievements to push himself beyond his limits. 

And you… 

You fit in like a missing puzzle; the crucial piece he needed as enough proof that he was better than Sae. A stronger player, man and lover than he ever would be. 

Rin wiped the sweat from his brow, channelling his inner frustrations into dribbling, training on his own away from prying eyes. He was caught up in his misery that he didn’t sense a figure making her way towards him. 

You took in how exhausted Rin looked, the bento box in your hands tightening. 

It was a peace offering; the first initiative on your end to smoothe over the rough patch of how you both began and hopefully be able to salvage what was left of his respect for you. The smell of roses lingered on your body, in your hair, the reminder of Sae’s bouquet leaving a stab of regret lodging deep underneath your rib cage where your heartbeat thumped erratically. 

Through his keen senses, Rin noticed someone approaching, and when his eyes landed on you, you swore they softened before regaining lucidity and becoming detached once more.

“What are you doing here?” 

Gesturing to the tiny, yellow container in your hand, you smiled sheepishly. “I… wanted to apologise for what happened a few days ago.” 

The field was empty save for the both of you, most of the players having gone home after hitting the showers. Rin was often one of the last to leave, and Ego had grown tired enough of his unparalleled dedication (read: obsession) and given him the keys to lock up the space in his own time. 

“How did you know I was here?” 

Shifting your weight from one foot to another, you were acutely aware of his deep frown. Suddenly, you felt too hot under the collar, embarrassment scrawled across your features when you lowered your eyes and your shoulders dropped. “I asked around for you. Said your mom passed me your dinner and they let me in.” 

Rin scrutinised you from head to toe, not saying a word. The silence stretched on, and you were halfway cajoling yourself to leave when he stepped forward. 

Yes, you were pretty sure Rin’s towering physique registered in your mind, but you never gave yourself time to really absorb how tall he was. A good head and half above you, Rin bore down easily on you, the heat emanating from his broader frame making you dizzy. The smell of freshly cut grass and musk radiated through his sweaty pores, and you felt the irrational need to take one step closer and bury your face into his chest. 

Instead, you reeled in the disastrous thought and pushed the bento box into his hand, ignoring his confused stare. 

“I should get going… you need to rest and recharge so I won’t disturb,” you mumbled hastily, unable to take another second of this aching tension. Your mind swirled with a thousand and one thoughts at the same time, and they all came crashing down when he reached for you, his touch gentle around your wrist. 

“Rin—”

There were no words to elucidate how comforting his embrace was around you, or how it felt like falling into the softest mattress after a hard day at work. Your squeak was muffled by his lips on yours, rough fingers tilting your head back to kiss you while his other arm was around your waist. You were growing dizzy from the lack of oxygen and the feel of his soft, slightly chapped lips on yours. 

Before you could dissolve into a puddle on these artificial fields, he released you, holding you close to his chest, every rise and fall of his breathing melting warmth into your back. 

Twining your fingers with his above your waist, you rubbed your thumb across his knuckles, memorising the smooth skin which was a stunning contrast from his calloused fingers and scarred palms. Rin let you hold his hand, quietly marvelling at how much bigger the flat of his palm was in comparison to yours. Long, slender fingers like a pianist encased your own smaller ones in a loose hold, and you both let the tender silence fall wherever it may. 

“I can’t choose,” you whispered after a moment of words unsaid. 

Rin stared at the curve of your shoulder, hidden by the loose cotton blouse you wore. He ached to push it aside, to press his lips right onto the warm skin which held the power to make him lose his mind. This close, he could smell the intoxicating vanilla coming from the crook of your neck, breathing in the smell of baby powder wafting from your hair. 

“I’m sorry, Rin. I can’t choose between you and him.” Closing your eyes, he felt more than heard you stifle a sob. “I love you, too. I hope you know that.” 

“But, you love him?” His voice was flat and emotionless. Thankfully, your back was turned so you couldn’t notice his brimming eyes. “Why is it so hard to choose?” 

“I don’t know,” you mumbled almost inaudibly. The wind picked up, its frigidity making goosebumps erupt on your arms. “I wish I could choose you, but it’s not that simple.”

“Why not?” he started to argue, releasing his grip on your hand and taking a step back. The inches between you both felt like an ocean separating you two, and no matter how much he wished for there to be nothing standing in the way, somehow his brother would always be the biggest obstacle to any goal he wished to attain in this life. 

Including your love. 

“S’not like you both are married,” his voice sounded hollow even to his own ears. “Don’t you love me?” 

Your breathing hitched, and you finally turned around to face him. He wished you didn’t. The tears glossing your eyes was enough to break his heart, and he wished with all his might that you would see reason; come to your senses and choose the better brother. 

But, all you did was shake your head, dislodging a single tear trickling down your cheek. He watched it make a silvery path from your jaw to your neck, his tongue itching to retrace its track. 

“I do, Rin. But, god… I don’t know you. I don’t know you but I’m so attracted to you and I can’t stop thinking about you. Sae… he called me the other day and we had phone sex, but after it was all done, all I could think about was you. You drive me crazy, and—” your voice started to break, lower lip wobbling. “I know you think I’m disgusting. A cheater. But, Sae needs me. We’ve always needed each other and I’m afraid that if I let him go, I’ll be throwing a part of me away.” 

Dropping your head, you exhaled a laugh that sounded on the verge of a sob. “Maybe it’s best if I never knew you. Or him. I think it would be easier on the three of us.” 

Rin listened as you unburdened those heavy emotions to him without a single word. When you finished, he turned his head to the side, jaw tight with fury and heartbreak.

“Fine,” he mumbled. “You’ll get your wish.” Pushing the bento box back into your hands and ignoring your small gasp of hurt, he strode away. “Let’s pretend like we never knew each other, if that makes it easier for you.”

“Rin—!” 

He quickened his pace and you tried to catch up to him. “Rin, wait!” But, he would always outrun you, and when he got to the doors, he heard your cry of his name turn into a shriek of pain. 

Turning around, his eyes widened at your hunched figure on the ground, holding onto your ankle. The bento box you carried had slipped from your grasp, grains of rice and meat scattered in a heap on the ground. 

“Ow,” you moaned, hissing in pain. “Ow. Shit… shit…”

He was back by your side immediately. Barely giving you time to think, he slid one arm underneath your knees, and another under your arms to lift you from the ground. The sudden position released the pressure off your ankle, and he didn’t need a certificate in sports medicine to know you had strained the muscle. 

“Lukewarm loser,” he muttered under his breath. “Such a huge, fucking pain.” 

You kissed your teeth and continued moaning softly, arms wound tightly around his neck. Rin sat you down on the bleachers and went into a backroom, returning a minute later with a first aid kit. Mimicking the movements you did a week ago when you first tended to his sprained oblique, he sprayed a cold mist over the injury, picking up a bandage to wrap around the torn muscle. 

“Stay still,” he warned, forming a tight tourniquet around the injury, straightening your foot to set the muscles right. Your gritted teeth and muffled wails would’ve made him mock you in return for breaking his heart, but Rin kept his lips tightly shut and focused on bandaging you up. 

You could barely walk when he was done, and in a fit of exasperation, he carried you to his car, setting you in the front seat. 

“Rin,” you mumbled pathetically, eyes shining and lower lip wobbling. “W-where are you taking me?” 

“My place,” he muttered curtly. “Unless you have someone to watch over you 24/7 while that stupid ankle of yours heals?”

Shamefully, you shook your head. Your family was in another prefecture, and your social circle was limited to clients and few fair-weather friends you saw once a month. There was no one to take care of you besides this brooding, dark-haired striker who looked like he would rather wade through molasses than do this. But, despite his disquietude, Rin took this newfound responsibility in stride. 

He brought you to his apartment, letting you lean against him as you took one mincing step after another. 

The fact that you could still walk, albeit hesitantly, was a good sign. Your injury would take a few days to heal, tops. 

Rin guided you to the sofa, and you sat with a huff. Taking off his jacket, he disappeared into the kitchen, and reemerged a second later with a bottle of isotonic drink. You took it with a nod of thanks and popped the cap off, drinking deeply. 

“What about your work? Can you move around with a busted ankle?” 

You slid your gaze to the tightly wrapped bandage and shook your head. “I don’t think I can. I’ll just let my assistant handle it for me while I take a few days off.” 

He exhaled, settling back on the end of the couch, putting some much needed distance between you two. 

“I don’t know if Sae would find out—”

“I don’t want him to find out—”

The both of you fell silent, each other’s trampling words on the same topic drawing a quiet consternation. Rin started again. 

“I think you should tell him you’re staying with a friend while your ankle heals.” 

“What if he insists on video calling me?” Your tense question was met with furrowed brows. Rin’s answer took you by surprise.

“And, what? Recognise my penthouse? Sae hasn’t visited me… not even once.” 

At the reminder of how starkly broken their relationship was, you fell mute. Rin salvaged the silence by sighing. “In any case, he wouldn’t know… or, care.” His lips were flattened into a tight line. “Sae’s a lot of things, but considerate and kind was never on his list.” 

“What happened between the both of you?” The question you had harboured for close to a week spilled over in a bursting bubble, detonating the tail end of his statement like a punch in the gut. You glanced at him and found a dark look settling over Rin’s face like a cloud, his already tight jaw ticking. 

When you first started dating Sae, it took him weeks to open up to you about his family and past life in Japan. The both of you met during one of your tours in Spain and you were called upon by the Madrid team to tend to one of their mid-fielder’s recurring injuries. Your impression of Sae when you met him for the first time was that he reminded you of a piece of paper.

His blank expression and dull eyes cracked a smile from you, and though you were the perfect picture of professional friendliness, you barely left a mark on the famed Japanese prodigy’s composure. 

At least, you thought you didn’t. 

A week later, he bumped into you at a nearby coffee shop and asked you out without a beat of hesitation. You were completely caught by surprise that you said ‘yes’ without thinking it through, and two days later, you were sat opposite a quiet, taciturn Itoshi Sae who mostly listened while you spoke and asked one liner questions to keep the conversation going.

One date turned to two, then three and soon, you were pressed flush to his bed, sweaty and sore from his rough handling. In the quiet afterglow, he started crumpling; the first crinkle appearing on his otherwise pristine surface. Behind this impassive man was a world of secrets written in indelible ink that you were slowly unwrapping day by day. 

Rin, however, reminded you of still waters that ran deeper than any ocean in the world. 

Collected on the outside, one wrong foot would leave anyone plunging to an icy death within his intense grip. He held an admirable composure which rippled occasionally when you disturbed his surface, but his state of detached calm would return a second later, barely fazed. 

It made you want to dip your toes deeper, try to find what made those murky waters eventually give way to a calm stream worthy of an oasis.  

Rin’s silence had no end, and you couldn’t tell if he had heard you in the first place. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he muttered churlishly and stood up. 

“Oh,” you quickly nodded. “I’m sorry for encroaching. I won’t do it again if it makes you feel uncomfortable.” 

He had a funny way of showing his appreciation for you respecting his boundaries. Rin blinked owlishly, his long lashes casting shadows on his cheekbones. While Sae’s lashes had a hint of reddish brown to them, Rin’s was darker and lusher, framing his pretty teal eyes perfectly. 

It made you want to drown in those aquamarine pools; give yourself up to his seductive currents.

Would that be a better choice? 

You swallowed and glanced at the beads of condensation running down the plastic bottle in your tight grip. 

Would it make everyone happy if I chose him? 

He chased those heavy thoughts by scooting closer to you. The smell of sweat and vitality stung your nostrils, but you didn’t pay it any mind, tilting your head up towards him to drink in his unfairly pretty features. His dark green bangs flopped in his face, touching his cheeks as you gently pushed them aside. Rin closed his eyes tightly, releasing a tired sigh.

“Do you mean it? Do you love me?” 

Your whisper ignited his curiosity, and he fluttered his eyes open to find you gazing at him with uncertainty lining your features. You bit on your bottom lip when he took awhile to answer, riddled with fear at baring yourself with such vulnerability to a man who you didn’t even know you could trust. 

As you mulled over such a foolish impulse, Rin took this moment to rake his gaze right to your lips. Barely a few seconds into your spiralling dismay, you flicked your lids open to find him moving closer, his lips on yours silencing your sudden squeak of fear. 

This time, Rin’s kiss moulded an answer he could not give to you outright. It would be too traitorous to think of uttering it; to make himself form those words which would seal the deal. 

Catching your face in his large palm, his warmth bled into your cheek, aided by the plush balminess of his lips and the taste of him on your tongue. Tenderness could not begin to describe how Itoshi Rin was treating you—like you were made of glass and precious secrets he did not want to spill towards any undeserving ear. 

The capped isotonic bottle fell to the floor, making a ‘glug’ sound when it rolled underneath his expensive couch. Rin guided you onto your back, laying you flat on the plush surface and raking his heated stare down the dip of your bare collarbones and towards the hem of your pretty blouse riding up to expose your soft belly. 

His arousal and common sense flooded south, and he couldn’t wait to roam his hands down your sides, memorising the feel of your breath expanding through your entire body, reaching for your hips and squeezing—

“Ow—Rin!” 

He quickly jerked away like he was scalded with hot water, your teary eyes and tight grip on your wounded ankle slamming him back to reality. You curled onto yourself, riding out this wave of agony while his hands fluttered about uselessly, trying to decipher what he did wrong. 

“Knee,” you managed to wheeze out through your gritted teeth. “Your knee—oww—pressed onto my calf.” 

“Sorry,” he mumbled, easing you up into his lap to take pressure off your sore leg. “The muscle spasms must’ve reached that region.” Frowning to himself, he slid you back to the couch and lumbered into his kitchen, emerging with a packet of ice. 

Before you had a chance to protest, he lifted your injured foot and placed it on his lap, pressing the ice pack into your skin. The air filled with sounds of both your steady breathing, and you swore it chased the loneliness away and numbed you to the pain. His presence was a mark upon your soul, steadily growing deeper, and you feared to open yourself towards such reliance. 

His touch was growing familiar day by day, and you were growing susceptible to it. Even the barest brush of his thumb on your ankle bone could make you shiver. Everything about Rin drew you to a crashing stop, configuring your inner compass to point in his direction and away from the true destination you were meant to head towards. 

“You’re staring at me.” 

“You’re hard not to stare at.” 

His frown was back. “Stop that.” 

“Stop what?” 

You pressed your hand to his, feeling both the cold and unbearable warmth seep into your skin. 

Rin gave you a withering glare. “This. Stop this.” He grasped your hand and peeled it off his own, setting it down while he continued to ice your sprained muscle. 

“I thought you loved me.” 

A shadow of a smile curved on the edges of his lips. “I didn’t say it outright.” 

“Doesn’t have to be said,” you retorted, tongue-in-cheek, and he couldn’t help but smile. You found comfort in his expression, reaching out to brush the tips of your fingers across his chin. “Thank you. For this.” 

He shook his head, unable to meet your eyes. “It’s nothing.”

Rin was wrong. It meant everything to you.

Everything and more which you could never say out loud if you were to be honest with yourself for once. 

Days stretched on, and your injury started to heal. 

The pulled muscle grew stronger in tandem with your fondness for Rin, brokenness healing into whole vitality to birth something new and beautiful. 

He let you crash in his guest bedroom, made sure to stock up on ready-made food which you could easily heat up, and returned home everyday at 5 on the dot to help you stand shakily on your own two feet. It was a kindness you did not deserve, and you appreciated every drop of it. 

On the third day, Sae called you up, and you answered him with a meek voice, stating you had suffered an injury and was recovering at a friend’s place. He didn’t push you for more details, and you didn’t offer any. 

It was a perfunctory call at best, and an obligation at worst. 

Your days with Rin grew into a wonderful melange of understanding and kindness. He was a solid presence you could rely on for help when you needed a taller figure to reach for a spare bowl in the cupboard above. His wry sense of speaking evolved into a humour you appreciated, especially when he deadpanned an insult aimed at his unsuspecting teammates. His house started to feel more like a home, despite how you had to chastise yourself from going down that treacherous path.

After all, there was no better addiction than the insanity of falling in love with someone you could never have. 

Thoughts of him fueled you during the day when you stretched your muscles, used his expensive bath soap which lathered perfectly on your skin as you imagined it was his larger palms running the suds in between your breasts, down the valley of your soft belly and between the crevices of your legs. Perfumed with the scent of him, you were charmed like a maiden in love. 

When night came, you satiated yourself in his presence by watching him put on a horror movie for you both to enjoy, and sometimes, you found him nodding off to sleep at the opposite end of the couch, knocked out after a day of hard training. You would reach for a blanket and tuck it over his broader frame, peck his forehead and stumble back to your room. It amused you to no end how he could be out like a light while jump scares and screams reverberated in the background. 

His quirks were endearing as they were infuriating. 

One night, while watching a Junji Ito film, you felt Rin shift from behind you. 

Amidst gory screams and blood exploding, he touched your ankle, rubbing underneath the hard bone with mindful circles using his thumb. His breath fanned warmly across your neck, and he noticed how eclectically perfect the movie lights played out across your features. You were absorbed in this retelling, rapturous in your attention that he felt almost bad for shaking you out of it. 

His touch around your waist was hesitant, and he kept tabs on your reaction. You shifted slightly, an adorable scrunch between your brow. He wanted nothing more than to smooth the crinkle of consternation with the tip of his thumb, amused at how fully absorbed you were by one of his favourite horror movies. 

He trailed his nose across your jaw, using the corners of his mouth to kiss your chin. You batted him away with a low whine, “Rin, m’tryna watch.”

Laughing inwardly, his touch idled around your waist, spreading heat on your soft skin. Rin didn’t give himself time to think—to really gauge his true intentions when he tries to distract you. It’s a little game he wanted to play, to see how long you could hold up to his teasing. 

Lithe fingers dance down your belly, plucking at the waistband of your shorts while his other hand cautiously inched up your rib cage. There was a hitch in your breath when he slipped two fingers past the stretchy elastic of his old boxers clad around your waist, as if he were testing the waters of your consent.

But, your eyes never left the screen.

Emboldened, Rin stuck his lower lip between his teeth, growing heady on the thought of your submission on his tongue to taste. He lifted up the hem of your shirt, forgetting that you hadn’t worn a bra to sleep. You’re clad in one of his ancient jerseys which he passed to you in a fit of realisation that you had no clothes to spare when you both made the impromptu decision that you should bunk over at his place for the time being.

Such shortsightedness proved as a win when your nipples puckered from the cool air. 

His preoccupied hand down your shorts found the seam of your clit and he reeled in a curse when he felt the slipperiness of your arousal coating the roughened pads of his index and middle finger. Rin fought back a groan when you bucked your hips up, implicitly asking him for more. Both of your eyes were glued onto the screen, and Rin knew this entire sequence by heart.

He waited for the right moment when the music swelled and the heroine rounded the corner, the shadowy figure above head fully materialising behind her heaving back. You looked terrified, though you didn’t hide your face behind your palms like he expected you would do. Truly, you were braver than he gave you credit for. On screen, the actress sensed movement, and her expression melted into one of genuine terror.

Violin strings broke over in a gasping crescendo when she turned around, finally face to face with the demon who had inhabited her daughter’s body—a faceless entity with a gaping mouth. 

Rin slipped his fingers into your tight heat the same moment the big reveal happened and your reaction was instantaneous. A loud yelp ripped past your gasping mouth, and your back arched higher for him to do as he pleased. Which was a lot considering the filthy thoughts swirling in his mind—the positions he wanted to bend you in and take you till you were a sweaty, shaking mess.

He curled his fingers, languidly pumping them in and out of your slick cunt. Your breathing grew shallower, whinier, and you shifted to trap his hands between your thighs, doe-eyes flitting upwards to his own impassive ones.

“Rin—mhmp.”

Slender, callous fingers slotted past your mouth to pin your tongue down. His crisp command was clear. “Suck.” 

You did as he asked with docile perfection, looking far too precious and innocent for a woman who was gagging lightly around his fingers and undulating her hips in tight circles of pleasure. Rin’s expression remained impassive, but you could tell he was enjoying a taste of your submission from the stiffness poking your lower back. 

He pressed his fingers deeper down your soft gullet, and you gurgled, bubbles of drool forming in the corners of your mouth. You moaned pitchily when he slipped another finger inside of you to stretch you out, scissoring them to reach your innermost spots. With your eyes rolling back into your head and your mouth stuffed full with his thick digits, you felt the coil of heat in your lower belly tightening deliciously. 

Rin was starting to breathe heavier, his teal eyes melting into your wide gaze. The kiss he feathered onto your forehead was starkly different in comparison to the almost rough way he was finger-fucking you. His duality would never cease to leave you lightheaded from the joyous whiplash. One second, he could be the most puppy-like man who nipped at your feet and would follow you to the ends of the world, and in the next, he would be fucking up into you like a wild beast unleashed from years of repression. 

But, through it all, your heart never stopped singing his name. 

You never stopped loving him for even one second. 

“Rin,” you choked, tears clouding your eyes when the pleasure started reaching a point of agony. One hand was wrapped around his wrist to anchor your burgeoning dizziness, and the other curled up in a fist by your side, knuckles stretched thinly over your remaining grip on reality. 

The actress on screen had been killed off by the vengeful spirit and a seance was taking place, though neither of you noticed. All he did was click his tongue, and nodded towards the neglected movie rolling in the background. “Lower the volume—wanna hear your moans.” 

His both hands were preoccupied, so it fell onto you to stretch for the remote and bring the volume bar down. Screams, dramatic strings and outlandish humming were reduced to background noise, your scratchy moans and heavy breathing at the forefront of this auditory fest he wanted to indulge in. 

Rin dragged you closer to his chest, propping in between his two muscular thighs. Stuttering breaths caught and strained through his equally defined torso, and his entire body radiated enough heat to make you break a sweat. 

Prying his sodden fingers from your mouth, Rin resisted the urge to clasp his hand around your neck possessively when you whined and chased after them again, suckling on the calloused tips like how he imagined you would pleasure his cock. The flash of your pink tongue licking and running up and down his thick digits, peeking between the crevices where you deep-throated them with a hunger he never expected, made him realise heaven was real.

It was in the form of your warm mouth suckling him right to his knuckle while your tongue danced along the ridges of nimble fingertips and roughened skin. 

“Slut,” he rasped, fully removing his fingers and clamping them around your neck instead. 

You whined and jerked your hips up, begging him to give you something to put in your mouth as his movements below increased in their pacing. Rin was merciless when he fingered you, quickly memorising your weak spots and fully exploiting them to emerge as the ultimate puppeteer of your body. He knew the spongy spot just below your navel which made your hips twitch up like a nervous tick without fail. He knew you liked to have your clit played as he curled his fingers inside of you. His other free hand reached for your breasts, twisting and plucking your tight nipple till you keened and bowed your head back, enjoying both stimulation with a greedy desperation. 

Touch yourself for me, the memory of your spread legs atop his luxurious blue silk bed sheets and his heated teal eyes latched onto your gaping cunt nearly made you cum right there and then. Show me how you pleasure yourself so I can learn. 

And what a fast learner he was. 

“R-Rin, m’gonna—”

In a flash, his fingers squelched out of your cunt. 

Your cry was part indignation and disappointment. Placating you, Rin stuck his fingers back down your throat for you to clean up. Obediently, you lapped at the salty-sweet stickiness with half-mast eyes, your pussy sucking his other pair of fingers in deeper. Fuck, he almost groaned out loud. I need to have her. 

Rin could barely wait to pry his fingers out of your mouth and perfect cunt to position you on his lap. Perched prettily with hazy eyes and a swollen mouth, his cock ached to be buried in you. Soft pants fell from your parted lips, and you buried your fingers in his hair needily, rocking your core over his leaking bulge. 

“Need more,” your desperate whine made him almost feral with desire. “Need you, Rin-Rin.” 

That nickname falling like a sweet drop of dew from your honeyed lips snapped his patience. Pushing down his pants, his cock sprung out, slapping his lower belly and smearing a bit of pre on the toned muscle. He ripped the old jersey off from your frame, uncaring that you cried out in pain when the hem caught and tugged on your earring. All he did was pinch and lick your nipples into stiffness as you struggled to untangle the fabric from the caught hook. 

Once the knotted thread was free from the sterling hook, he urgently tossed his jersey aside, focused on your shorts now. He pitched his head forward to rub his burning cheeks in between your breasts, mouthing and licking the plush flesh while he kneaded your ass eagerly. You lifted his face from the refuge of your body to smash your mouth sloppily onto his, and in the background, the credits rolled, a slow, sombre tune which lended a touch of melancholy to this heated scene. 

Ripping the worn out shorts off your frame, he laid your bare body flush against his. The press of both your weights on his tailbone made it hurt, but it was worth the pinch of discomfort when you lifted your hips and gently grasped the base of his drooling dick. Giving it a few pumps, Rin’s loud gritted teeth and flushed cheeks spoke volumes of his tethering patience. 

He was close to snapping at you to push him inside of you when you grasped the leaking head and gently nudged it past the tight, maddening muscle. No matter how many times you let him in, it still felt like the first time. 

Despite the stretch, his girth and the sting it took for you to take him fully, you always did it like a champ without complaint. You would always, without fail, kiss him when he bottomed out inside of you—a soft peck of your lips on his that ignited his flame of obsession for you even more. 

The way how your warmth melted around him like a velvet popsicle could’ve filled his chest with all the happiness in the world. Your strained moan, like you were pushing your ample desire past a sieve, would fill him with burning pride at being yours.

Because as much as you belonged to him, he belonged to you, too. 

Those thoughts barely made a dent on his composure; what did was the sight of your pussy wrapped almost lovingly around his cock, the slick flesh sliding up and down his thick length, leaving rings of white from base to tip. 

“Fuck, baby,” he cussed, grabbing onto your hips, mesmerised by the sight unfolding before him. “S’fucking good slut… so wet f’me…”

You took his praise in stride, letting it fuel you to please him even more. Pressing your palms flush on his shoulders, you used the strength of your thighs to pump, swivel and buck your hips—riding his cock with a passion he had never seen a woman possess. It blew his mind, leaving him gaping, groaning and woozily locking eyes with you. 

Rin’s fleeting kiss on your forehead was done in an unsteady motion, and his grip tightened on your body till you swore he would leave bruises behind. His breath was hot on your chin, and his tongue was back in your mouth, desperately tangling with your own tongue. 

One large hand slid from your hip to between your legs, his thumb finding purchase on your slick clit, rubbing tight circles to stimulate you on both ends. You tightened your grip in his hair, and undulated your hips in quicker circles, breath coming out in laboured pants. 

Rin ducked his head to take one hard nipple in his mouth, suckling on the throbbing flesh and tonguing it until it went completely hard enough to cut diamonds. He pulled back slightly, strings of spit connecting his mouth to the heaving flesh, and he kissed around your areola, smearing saliva and his devotion across your skin. 

You squeezed down on him the same moment he took your tight bud back into his mouth, happily licking and sucking it like it was his favourite candy. 

Not many words were shared between you two, but it wasn’t necessary; the whispers of your body and heavenly sounds of ecstatic moans and grunts were enough to transcend the boundaries of speech. The sloppiness of your sexes connecting was loud in the quiet, filling his home with the stinging scent of sweat, musk and wild desire. 

The sight of your tits jiggling in his face, your hips stuttering and pussy dripping around his pulsing length nearly triggered Rin’s release. But, he held back by picturing gory murder and disembowelment scenes, breath growing heady and heavier. 

Your own breathing was becoming stuttered, and electrifying his ego to great heights. He was close to breaking his own rule to never mark up a woman that wasn’t his, when his control dissipated and his lips were latched around your pulse point. The hot seal of his mouth on such a delicate stretch of skin made you throb all over, and you didn’t push him away, tilting your head back to receive him even if it would leave a mark—letting him do whatever he wanted to you. 

“Fuck,” he moaned in between desperate suckles. Hot open-mouthed kisses fell intermittently like a summer drizzle on your collarbones and shoulders, but his lips would always return to that same spot which was starting to burn from his branding. 

You whined and arched your back, turning around to glimpse both of your figures on the darkened TV screen. The stretch of his cock prying you open was magnificent, nearly making you cry out with euphoria. His muscular, thick thighs on either side of you were trembling, and the sight of his big hands on the delicate curve of your spine made you think the unholiest thoughts when it came to staking your claim on Itoshi Rin.

Returning the favour of his mark on your neck, you pressed your lips to the spot underneath his right ear, sucking the sensitive skin there in between sloppy kisses up and down his throat. Rin’s hot breath fanned across your shoulder, leaving you intoxicated on his passion and desire. 

His hips bucked up into yours, and he pressed your lower body flushed to his hard enough for his pubic bone to grind against your clit. The action, combined with his mouth back on your nipples, was enough to tighten the string of desire deep in you towards its breaking point. 

“Rin… oh god… Rin…” 

He has never paid much attention to how his name sounded like coming from anyone, but when it was you, he found that the cadence of it was far more magical than he expected. 

“Y/N,” he reciprocated in his strained, low baritone. “Fuck… so well for me…”

Disjointed words, heavy breathing and grabby hands made a hazy mark in your dizzy mind. 

You were so far gone that all it took was a few precise circles on your clit with his thumb to get your release crashing down, triggering his own. 

The sensation of your pussy melting around him had Rin seeing stars behind his tightly closed lids. His stuttered growl of your name was buried in your neck, and with a few more thrusts, he spilled fully into you; white hot strings of pure fertile devotion pumped deeper into you with a few more sloppy thrusts. 

“Rin… oh… shit, baby.” You cursed the same moment you tiredly smushed your lips to the corner of his mouth. “Oh my god, baby…”

You had never came at the same time as a lover in your entire life, and the experience was enough to render you speechless with a cresting emotion you could not name. Hot tears slipped from your closed eyes and splashed onto his shoulder. Rin didn’t point them out, nuzzling your cheek tiredly to comfort you. 

Exhaustion fell over both of you like a warm blanket. Both your limbs were tangled, slotting naturally like pieces meant to fall upon the other. His breath stirred your hair and your lips were pressed to his neck, his arms a tight vine around your torso. 

You played with the dark locks at the nape of his neck, marvelling at how soft they were. 

“What’s on your mind?” Rin’s soft question knocked you out from your reverie, and you tried (and failed) to hide your growing smile. 

“Nothing,” you mustered, pressing a quick kiss to the developing mark under his ear. He wasn’t amused by your deflection, smacking your bottom lightly. 

“Tell me.”

Biting your lower lip, you pried your face from its sanctuary of his neck, fixing him with a tender smile—one that knocked the breath from his lungs.

“I was thinking about you… and us… and how I want this to never end.” 

Whatever that sparked between the two of you seemed to grow out of control like a wild flame; razing down the steep trees shading his consciousness as easily as if they were straw dolls. Instead of being terrified, Rin found such destruction beautiful, the glow of the flames drenching him with warmth, the thunderous falling wood filling his ears with brown noise. 

“Yeah?” he goaded the flames further, fanning them into a high arc through his slowly growing smile. “And why is that, baby?” 

“Because I’m in love with you, Itoshi Rin, and I want to be with you.” 

Your next words made an explosion ring in his ears, pushing him to discard every shred of rationality just to keep you by his side for as long as the world kept on spinning.

“I’m breaking up with Sae the first thing tomorrow morning.” 

TWO DAYS AGO

Sae had no idea how he found himself back in this club. 

The pulsing lights, neon strobes and loud music weren’t exactly up to his standards, but he gritted his teeth and bore it for the sake of his team. 

It was a joint birthday celebration—some young asshole together who had the same birthdate as Leonardo. The club was in full swing, and Sae just wanted to go home and sleep off another rough training session. But, it was as if his teammates had a radar to his burgeoning displeasure. They roped him in for a drinking competition with loud jeers; plied him with shots till the lights lost their edge and he was actually starting to enjoy the music. 

Of course, with word of the arrival of the Spanish football team, came the trail of money-hungry whores. They walked over, plastered on fake faces and bodies with their syrupy smiles and talons waiting to sink into the first available man. Those who didn’t have a woman waiting for them back home took the opportunity to flirt, dance and drink together with them while others like him stood by the sidelines, respectfully detached from the entire scene.

The alcohol was wearing off in his system, and he was starting to get sleepy. Sae signalled to Leo, catching the hulking man’s eye from across the dancefloor and gestured towards the exit sign. I’m leaving.

Leonardo Luna pursed his lips, an overgrown blond baby when he shook his head, making puppy dog eyes that would’ve had anyone caving in. Stay for a little bit, you loser—those eyes seemed to say. 

Sae shook his head, a smirk worming on his lips. The other men wouldn’t get it. He had plans to make and a flight to book back home. 

Turning his back, he fished for his phone in his pocket, pulling up your chat. The text he sent you a few hours ago remained unread, and despite how much he wished he could fix this, there was nothing else he could do but return back to Japan and see you again. 

I hope you sleep well tonight, baby. 

He sighed, and pocketed his phone again. There must be a reason why you were acting so distant. 

Sae must’ve done something; said something that didn’t sit right with you. But, no matter how many times he wracked his brain for an inkling of what he did, he would come back empty-handed and slightly more frustrated than before.

Just as he was about to round the corner and walk out of the club, someone ran into him. He could tell it was a woman from the flurry of brown hair which jerked back, and her soft gasp followed with an embarrassed apology. 

Sae blinked, unperturbed and was about to walk away when she called for him back. “Excuse me, sir?” The lilt in her voice sounded vaguely familiar, tasting of home, and when he turned back to fully drink her in, he found her features to be the same ones he saw from the women back in Japan and he instantly relaxed. 

Switching straight into Japanese, he mumbled, “Yeah?” 

In her hands, she held his phone, the lighted screen showing a text message in the notification bar. He took it from her, and she bowed her head in apology once more. “I’m sorry for being so clumsy, I didn’t—wait—you can speak Japanese, too?” 

Sae nodded in confirmation. “I assume you’re from there?” 

Her expression broke into one of relief, a kindling comradeship every human had when they met someone from their home country in a foreign land. “I am. I’m from Kanagawa. And you?” 

Something electric ran down his spine at her words, and he bit back on a wistful smile, keeping his expression neutral to not scare her off. “Same here. What’re you doing in Madrid?” 

The more he spoke to her, the more he realised how her brown eyes which matched her hair seemed to spark back to life. She spoke freely of her job here as a reporter, how much she missed home and strangely, natto. He had to laugh at that, reminded of the fermented beans which were a great companion to rice—the ones which Rin, back when they were kids, would always pull a face at and pass it to him under the table when they’re mother wasn’t looking. 

He told her of his life as a football player and she made a sound of recognition when he told her his name. 

“Itoshi Sae.” Something about how she said his name, sent a shiver through him—a traitorous one which reminded him of you. 

(Fuck, he almost forgot he had a woman waiting for him back home). 

“I hope our paths will cross again someday, Sae.” 

He didn’t reply, nodding in acknowledgement. 

“Wait!” Before he left, she passed him her business card and cheekily said, “In case you want to help a lost Japanese woman find good food around here.”

She handed him a glossy card complete with her name and phone number on it. Noguchi Jina. A pretty name. Of course. She would be living in Madrid for two years and welcomed any help in navigating the big city. 

Despite the warning bells chiming in his head, Sae took the tiny, glossy rectangle with another nod. “We’ll see when I’m free.” 

He ducked his head and walked out of the club, the card he held in his hand burning warmly. Letting go of it, he removed his phone, and it was stupid, really, how his heart kicked up a notch when he saw your name on the screen, before it crashed down with a lingering sense of guilt. 

It was strange—he did nothing wrong, but why did the sight of your sweet message (‘Goodnight Sae, dreaming of you tonight ♡’) fill him with guilt? He didn’t sleep or flirt with anyone; he felt like his mind was playing a sick trick. Maybe he missed you a little too much—felt like he wasn’t giving you enough attention that the reminder of any woman who wasn’t you filled him with shame. 

I should go back to see her. Deciding that it was enough of a reason to take a few days off, Sae texted his manager to let him know he was off for a few weeks, and that he would be back in Japan to spend the holidays. His next course of action was to leave his mom a voicemail that he would take the entire family for a trip to the Hokkaido mountains—yes, including Rin.

Call it sentimental, but he missed those family holidays they used to go on before he moved to Spain, and he wanted to be reunited under the same roof with the people who missed him the most (yes, this included Rin). 

The idea of such a trip filled him with a quiet joy he did not know how to express beyond a small grin, and as he booked his ticket for home, he pictured the wide smile on your face the moment he showed up at your apartment, suitcase and heart open for you to give him a home during his entire stay.

His mother texted him back the same moment his manager gave him the okay. Since it was off-season for Rin, too, he had the time to spend together with his suddenly nostalgic nii-chan who wanted to start making amends for the shit he put his otouto through. 

They were both grown men now, and Sae was coming to find that the older he got, the more he found himself reluctant to hold onto grudges. 

Which was why when Hana told him it was a lovely idea, he couldn’t keep his excitement down when he texted her back: 

Don’t tell Y/N or Rin. I want it to be a surprise. 

Her response was warm and welcoming. 

Of course. Come back home safely, Sae.

Home. He would be going home.

(To you.) 

I’m breaking up with Sae the first thing tomorrow morning.

What a lie that turned out to be. 

It seemed as if the universe had it out for you when you woke up in Rin’s arms the next morning, heart full and head woozy. Your lover was also stirring awake next to you, running his fingers up and down your spine which stretched and arched open for him like a well-loved book. 

“G’morning,” he murmured huskily, sleep still heavy in those gorgeous teal eyes and a small smile etched on his swollen lips. You wished him back and snuggled closer to his side, one arm slung haphazardly across his chest, feeling his steady breathing lulling you back into a doze.

Absent-mindedly, you felt him press a soft kiss to your temple, taking a brief pause to inhale the sweet smell of baby powder from your locks. 

“Are you sniffing my hair?” you teased and he clicked his tongue. 

“Smells good. In fact—” Rin rolled you onto your back, his weight pressing you fully into his mattress. Your sprained ankle was about healed and it barely stung when it was tucked under his calf, calmed by his intoxicating warmth. “—I wanna eat you whole.” 

You hummed, “Why’re you so… big?” 

The thin white shirt he wore to sleep stretched over his broad pecs which were shaking with a small laugh. You couldn’t see his face, but you assumed he was wearing a smirk. “Big in what way?” 

Huffing, you smacked his shoulder. “Your height, dummy. What else would I be talking about?” 

Rin found himself growing more comfortable with you in more ways than he had ever felt around another human being. The defences he held onto tightly for his entire life seemed to fracture and crack around the edges, giving him a sliver of understanding that this was what it was like to connect with another person.

This was how he thought someone would start to fall in love with everything—stupid jokes, colours, new experiences, the sound of tinkling laughter… and something—someone else—entirely.

(This was how it felt like to fall in love with you). 

He was about to retort with a lewd comment which was starkly out of character from his usual detached and withdrawn personality, when your phone vibrated with an incoming call.

His brother’s name on the screen set fire to the lingering joke poised to roll off his tongue, withering his courage and conviction into ashes. The both of you didn’t know what to do; how to react.

The bed had turned from an oasis to an impending warzone.

You shook out from your reverie first to pick up your phone, knuckles starkly pale and a clench in your jaw which reminded him of how the muscle would tighten just when you were about to cry. 

But, you remained dry-eyed and brave, firm in your decision to end it with his nii-chan and choose him. 

“Sae?” 

Rin didn’t need you to put your phone on speaker to hear Sae’s impatient question which reverberated across the room like a distant echo; calling the both of you back to this grim reality—one where the afterglow of last night’s love-making could not protect. 

“Where are you? You’re not home?” 

“Hmm? What do you mean—?”

The colour drained from your cheeks and Rin’s breathing was lodged painfully in his throat when he heard the faint murmur of his brother’s next words—sounding both confused and irritated at your absence. 

“I’m standing outside your apartment,” A deathly pause where two guilty souls and one oblivious one engaged in this fatal romance, this dangerous dance which was waiting to explode up in flames across the screen like a car crash one can’t look away from. 

“I’m back home, baby. Where are you?” 

©️lalunanymph

[mydearlybeloathed]

𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐏𝐈𝐄𝐂𝐄

𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 ♡

navigator!zoro and swordswoman!nami headcannons

𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐁𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒 ♡

➥ all gender neutral

[zoro, romantic] "do not kiss me again"

[usopp, romantic] "i once told you i'd kissed a thousand women..."

[zoro, nami, platonic] "they're cheating, you know"

[nami, romantic] “kiss her you fool”

[zoro, romantic] “brazen”

[nami, platonic/romantic] “she’s my friend”

𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈𝐏𝐋𝐄 ♡

moodswings

how zoro, sanji, and luffy deal with a pms-ing reader... f!reader

too sweet

nami, zoro x gn!reader

their mermaid lovers

mermaids and pirates should be sworn enemies by default... but you decide to spin that precedent on its head. various x mermaid!reader

big brothers, little sisters

aka an older sister fulfills her childhood wish for a big brother various x sister!reader

𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐂 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ♡

nothing yet...

𝐋𝐔𝐅𝐅𝐘 ♡

are you still sad?

luffy had always been more observant than you gave him credit for. f!reader, opla!luffy

i remember thinking i had you

you'd always had a feeling luffy's dreams would outgrow you, but when that day finally arrives, you're not as prepared as you'd thought you'd be. now he's willing to take a chance to make his dream come true, fully believing you're right behind him. you have a decision to make: risk everything for the boy who means everything, or set him free of your doubts. gn!reader, multi part fic, opla!luffy

you can talk to me, but you already know

a mission to recover your prized research from your greedy ex-employer goes awry when you, the crew's pacifist, decide to join the fight in the name of saving your beloved captain. when you awake from your near-mortal injuries, luffy demands to know why you put yourself in danger, and you're not sure you can answer him. gn!reader

𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐉𝐈 ♡

flavors of home

in which even though you've been rescued, you're homesick. a certain pirate chef is more than willing to help cure the ailment. f!reader

we are never getting back together (?)

in which you, now a successful singer, and sanji, now a pirate, reunite unexpectedly when you return to baratie for a one night only performance.f!reader

the one where you say no to the cat

your daughter really wants a cat, and you're adamant that the answer is no... until it starts to look like a yes.wife!reader

𝐙𝐎𝐑𝐎 ♡

get some sleep

you just can't get to sleep thanks to a terrible rainstorm terrorizing the ship. luckily, your tossing and turning inspired nami with an idea: just go sleep with the swordsman. f!reader

got me spinning like a ballerina

in which zoro doesn't dance, but he has no issue in watching you twirl yourself off your feet. so long as you twirl back to him when your feet get tired. f!reader

sail again

once upon a time, you'd weaseled your way into the demon pirate hunter's confidance, and maybe even his heart too. but one bounty gone wrong leads to you being left behind, and you just can't understand why. f!reader, apothecary!reader, multi part fic, opla!zoro

is she divine, is it the wine?

the grace of the sword and the stage come together as the strawhats' swordsman and dancer fall in love. zoro x fem!dancer!reader

quality time

you and zoro train together every morning, so it was only a matter of time till one of you got hurt (spoiler: it's not zoro) gn!artist!reader

once upon a dream

Long ago, you were cursed to one day sleep for an eternity—unless you’re presented with true love. You thought destiny couldn’t find you on the high seas, but when you're sorely mistaken, it's up to a certain swordsman to get his act together and rescue you from eternal sleep. sleeping beauty au, princess!reader

𝐔𝐒𝐎𝐏𝐏 ♡

coming soon...

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 ♡

im a quilt of all the ones I've loved

nami thinks theres so much of you wrapped up in all of her, that not even distance or time could change the way she feels. or in which three little bits of you now make up the patches of nami's person. f!reader

[reidmania]

made up memories | spencer reid

summary; reader struggles with feeling homesick, but has never felt ‘at home’ anywhere, good thing spencer cares and always understands.

warnings; fem reader, no use of y/n cus ew, angst w fluff, hurt x comfort, early seasons spencer, mentions of bad home life, family issues, homesick, feeling out of place, not knowing who you are, struggles fitting in, references depression, mentions vomiting, no one actually vomits, feeling physically sick over mental emotions, references missing a childhood dog, missing having a pet, bad childhood (arguing parents, lol same?) friends to lovers but not entirely romance based. mutual pinning, both are silly and idiots.

an; self indulgent bc im lying in bed at home and I feel homesick. 2kish words

Sick.

You felt sick. The sort of sick that had your stomach twisting around on itself and making you feel as if any moment an existential amount of vomit would leave your throat if you let your lips part. It was the sort where you knew you weren’t actually going to be sick, it was the sort of sick that was a physical reaction to the turmoil in your mind— even if it felt otherwise.

Your hands fumbled with the few keys on the keyring you had bought too many years ago from a small shop you didn’t remember the name of, your hands searching for the house key to slide into the lock. You just wanted to go home.

Your hands twisted the door handle down and you absentmindedly waited for the sound of barking as the sound of the door opening rang through the empty house, you waited for the pattering of paws against the hardwood floor of the entry way without even realising it.

It never came and the sick feeling created a hole in your gut.

You tugged off your coat, hanging it up as you took in the scent, the candle you had been burning before leaving for the case three days ago, still leaving a sweet lingering scent floating around the walls of your house, you expected the smell to be comforting and refreshing after a long day but it only caused your chest to tighten.

You made your way to the kitchen, keys discarded somewhere on the counter you paid no mind to, your hands shaky as you reached for a glass, filling it up with water from the tap. You tried to ignore the overwhelming silence that filled the walls, leaving an empty place in your heart. The glass of water was half drank and forgotten on the counter as your elbows came to rest against the cold marbled tops, head held in your hands, trying to focus on anything other than the ache that took over every single aspect of your body, and the thoughts that overcame your mind.

You didn’t know how long you were standing like that, it felt like hours, letting the silence leave room for your minds to be louder, you considered turning the tv on to full volume just for some sort of background noise — before there was a soft knock at the door.

You were tempted to ignore it as you stood up straight and shuffled towards the door, but also part of you ached for some sort of conversation regardless of who was on the other side of the door, or what they wanted, so you opened the door to reveal the last person you were expecting, your coworker, Spencer reid.

“Hi” He mumbled out almost sheepishly as his hand came to the back of his neck, as if he hadn’t just spent the last three days working with you, along with the last few years on top of that. Maybe this was different for him because it was outside of work, maybe he was just nervous to see you, maybe he was excited — Maybe you were trying to think about anything other than what was actually on your mind.

Your eyebrows dipped, taking in his expression as you wet your lips — too dry beforehand to talk. “Spencer, What- What are you doing?” You asked, curiosity getting the better of you because what was he doing at your house?

He huffed slightly, lifting his hand a little and your gaze dropped as you took in the bag that he was holding — your bag. “You- Uh- You left your bag” He said, eyes trailing over your features, taking in every expression on your face. Your eyes widened slightly at the realisation.

“Oh- I didn’t even realise” You mumbled out, it now dawning on you that you had in-fact been in such a rush you hadn’t grabbed your bag, your coat and keys — yes but your bag no. You were grateful he had realised and thought it was important that he returned it, even though you could’ve just got it when you went into work tomorrow morning, it was a sweet gesture.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to bring it — I could’ve gotten it tomorrow” You mumbled out apologetically as he handed you the bag, you took it thankfully. Feeling slightly guilty he had come all the way to your house just to give you the bag you had forgotten, but you appreciated the kindness of the small act of service.

He looked down for a moment, his shoulders rising and falling in a soft shrug, “Its no big deal- And um- I was worried about you.” He deadpanned the end of his sentence as his head lifted to try and gauge your reaction, seeing if maybe he had a right to be worried over your stranger behaviour the last few days.

You tilted your head slightly, sure you had been quieter as you tried to drown out the overwhelming dread and displacement you felt over the last few weeks — the feeling you had felt almost the entirety of you life yet just a little more recently, but you didn’t think it was noticeable.

“Oh” It passed through your lips as Spencer slowly stepped inside your house. You wondered if the place felt as un-homely to him as it did it to. You wondered if the silence was as loud for him as it was for you — then you realised it probably wasn’t. You closed the door as he was now inside your house.

“Are you okay?” He asked, taking in the silence of your demeanour that matches the silence of your house.

You let out a huff at the loaded question because technically yes, you were fine. You weren’t seriously ill or doing really horribly mentally — you just felt sick, and out of place in the one space you were supposed to call home. You felt homesick and you didn’t even know where home was, you didn’t know what that feeling felt like. Was it possible to miss something you had never felt?

“What does my house smell like?” You asked, trying to figure out something, like a debate in your mind. Spencer furrowed his eyebrows as he walked further into your space, you followed like a lost puppy — as if this wasn’t your house. You knew he didn’t understand the reasoning of your question and the lack of your answer to his.

“Sweet, but subtle. Its nice” He said, turning his head to look at you as he sat down on the sofa, his full attention on you. You could tell by his body language his focus was on you and you completely. That was overwhelming as well, but you ignored that.

You sat down next to him but keeping a fair distance, your hands resting on your knees as you kept your focus on the way your fingers fiddled with themselves rather than the fact you were pretty sure the more you spoke the deeper the pit in your stomach grew uncomfortably. Taking the the difference of your perception of the scent that filled your house.

“Its making me feel sick” You admitted, your voice quiet.

His lip tucked under his teeth in concern as he tried to catch a glimpse of your expression. You knew it probably wasn’t the candle, or the scent of your house, the silence, or the lack of animal presence that was making you feel sick. It was probably just your own presence in a place that felt so wrong.

“Why?” He asked, trying to understand what about the scent that made you feel sick, knowing the issue most likely ran deeper than that, it was obvious in your avoidance of the question. Your shoulders raised and fell in a shrug as you turned your head to look at him.

“It feels wrong.” You said.

He hummed in understanding, he was tempted to go into the scientific and psychological aspects of scent and familiarity but he decided against it, instead his gaze was gentle as he shuffled to sit up a little straighter. “Just the scent?” He asked, a gnawing feeling at his gut that there was more to it.

You shook your head. “Everything — Just everything feels wrong. I feel wrong, I feel.. Out of place.” You huffed out, voice and words slightly muffled for a moment as you dragged your hands down your face. “Everywhere I go.” You finished.

A frown fell on his lips at the honesty of your words, but he understood more than he cared to admit. “Do you want me to just listen? Give you a solution or a hug?” He asked.

He hated physical touch but he hated seeing you upset way more. Spencer would never admit it but the idea of your touch didn’t seem as bad as everyone else. Not even close.

You furrowed your eyebrows at his gentle and caring response, “Just listen.. For now” You mumbled out, pretty sure you would need a hug at the end of this. You didn’t necessarily want a solution or advice on how to fix what you were feeling, you just needed someone to understand.

He nodded, shuffling as he leant against the back of the couch, eyes lingering on yours with a soft reassuring nod, encouraging you to talk. Spencer was happy to provide you with comfort — even if that just came in the form of listening.

“I just- Constantly feel sick, like in my stomach and I get headaches and its constant, all the time no matter where i am. ill find myself laying in bed and just thinking ‘i want to go home’ when i technically am — if home isn’t here then I don’t know where else it would be” You mumbled out the ramble.

His head tilted as he listened to you talk and express your inner turmoil, heart aching at the knowledge of your pain. Feeling out of place constantly was something Spencer knew all too well. “When was the last time you felt at home?” He prompted, his voice gentle and curious with an overwhelming ache to help.

Your frown deepened as you mulled over his question as if it wasn’t one you had asked yourself a million times, answer always left unfound. “Thats the thing- I don’t know if I ever have.” You spoke honestly.

Your hands ran through your hair as you sat up straighter, full body turning on the couch so you were facing him. “I buy new candles every week, new blankets and pillows, i rearrange my furniture, i move houses — all to try and find a resemblance of something i don’t know, i’ve ever experienced.”

It wasn’t a lie; ever since you had moved out of your childhood house, away from your family. you signed short leases and would stay until they were over — even if offered to extend you were searching for somewhere that made you feel a little less out of place between the walls. You would rearrange furniture from a memory you could never see clearly enough — maybe because it wasn’t a real memory instead a false representation of what something was suppose to feel like.

The comforters on your bed changed monthly, even sooner, you were buying new bedding and new cushions because nothing was quite right, nothing matched what you wanted in your head, how could it when you weren’t even sure what it was?

“Im sorry” He frowned out, his words sincere and genuine. Like he genuinely hated hearing to know you were feeling this way. He wanted to help you understand the realistic image your mind was creating, an unrealistic expectation of a feeling, but he didn’t want it to come across wrong or in an attempt to invalidate. He was also sure you already knew that this wasn’t realistic or sustainable.

He knew this wasn’t a way anyone should live their life, especially you. But he also knew he was a little bit biased.

“Could it be something from your childhood?” He asked, voice gentle and caring as he tried to help you understand the inner struggle you were facing. Everyday.

You shook your head as you didn’t even need to think about that, “No. God no.” You huffed out, running your hand through your hair again, an overwhelming need to do something with your hands. “That- I remember what that felt like — thats not- I don’t- I wouldn’t, No. I don’t want that feeling, that feeling isn’t what I’m looking for. The only thing even remotely the same is its like I am expecting my dog at the door everyday when I get home — and i miss chaos, I can’t stand silence anymore.”

Your mind filled with memories of the chaos of your childhood, not the good sort. Not the sort of siblings running around and playing with imaginary friends or laughing loudly at a kids show playing on the tv.

No, it was more like yelling of parents and arguments constantly drowning out any other possible noise, glass and dishes shattering when things got a little bit too intense, doors slamming and your mothers sobs in the other room.

Spencer didn’t need to pry further into the inner workings of your mind, not to know that whatever you had experienced when you were younger clearly wasn’t a good memory. He also could tell by your reaction, and other context clues because — he knew you better than he’d admit, you weren’t exactly fond of your childhood.

“Sometimes people who grow up around chaos grow to hate loud surroundings, noises, too much people or chaos in general. Other people, like you — learn to thrive in it, find comfort in chaos, especially if it’s all you know. Silence and awkwardness is uncomfortable because it’s unfamiliar. Thats understandable.” Spencer nodded as he spoke, unable to stop the facts rolling off his tongue.

Your heart soared slightly, here he was offering you comfort in the most beautiful way. He was validating, understanding, and truthful in every word that left his lips. He was also offering advice in his comfort without even realising he was doing it. You needed chaos, you needed background noise, and people. It didn’t have to be yelling or doors slamming, just sound, any sound that offered you an escape from the dangers of your own mind.

“I want to get a dog” You mumbled out gently, in response to his words even if it was an indirect response. His head nodded, as his eyes studied your face. You ignored the fact you were being profiled right now by him.

“I think thats a good idea” He said his voice gentle. Validating, understanding. “I know this feeling its horrible, and feels never ending. the feeling of being ‘Home’ Is subjective, depending on the person feeling it. Home doesn’t have to be a place, nor does it have to be a candle scent, or a certain type of bedding. Its whatever makes you feel comfortable, and safe. Free to feel what you need to feel and be whoever you need to be. It feels different for everybody.” He said gently, his hand reaching out.

You took it as you mulled over his words, letting your mind take focus of the feeling of his fingers gently trailing down the veins on the back of your hand before brushing softly over your knuckles, the touch offering more comfort than you thought humanly possible.

You knew he was right, trying to find a feeling created purely by your imagination and a memory that didn’t exist was silly and you only set yourself up by failure by doing so time and time again. Home wasn’t supposed to be something so demanding.

“Can I have that hug now?” You asked, peering up at him. Voice quiet. He let out a soft laugh and nodded his head almost instantly, his arms spread as his hand intwined with your gently tugged you closer. You shuffled on the couch, hand loosing his as your arms wrapped under his arms, resting against his back as your head found place on his chest. His hands instantly wrapped back around you, rubbing soft smoothing circles over your shirt.

You allowed yourself to let your mind wander away, instead focusing on the warmth of his arms and the smell of him, your mind blanking out all unrealistic expectations and thoughts, all made up memories and feelings that hadn’t yet to exist, instead you just focused on the feeling of Spencer.

And for the time being, the pit in your stomach began to fill with him rather than homesickness.

[adventuringblind]

Hi I saw your requests are open you don’t have to write anything if you don’t want to but I had this idea and I wanted to share

I was thinking of meting Charles on Monaco maybe during Sumer break or something, and being a little homesick so he decides to take us to a bookstore (sorry I just like to rad a lot you can change the place) and just talking about like a book he likes and just sitting on the floor with him looking for something to read and getting romantic

Idk if it makes sense but thank you and have a nice day/night

Home is Where You Are

Charles leclerc x reader

Genre: fluff

Request: Yes! I hope you enjoy it, I thought the idea was super cute! I'm open for Max, Charles, Lando, Oscar, George, and Daniel. Also, up for poly fics if anyone is interested. (If you have too much love to go around, clap your hands)

Summary: living with Charles is a dream come true. Longing for home, though, can strike anyone. Good thing he's there to help you through it until you can find time to go visit.

Warnings: home sickness, straight fluff

Notes: written in second person. Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated!

Also, I've sent up my account to let tips be enabled. I was debating whether or not to say this because i dont want to sound like im begging, but frankly, people opinions do not matter me me. If you like my writing and want to support me, please consider tipping my posts or my blog. I put a lot of effort into my writing, and it would mean the world to me. Obviously, I won't have my feelings hurt if you ignor this, but I wanted to put it out there.

Masterlist

You and Charles had been together for a while now. Managing to do some long distance when you couldn't travel with him.

Now you were engaged, and you said yes. Knowing you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him.

You traveled more now. Finding yourself in different countries for the majority of the year. But you always went back home when you could. The family and familiarity bringing you comfort.

When Charles asked you to move in with him, you'd been happy. The two of you now completely together. Ready to share your lives with each other.

You were lucky you could take your job anywhere. The traveling often helping provide inspiration for your novel.

Charles made sure you felt comfortable in his, now yours as well, apartment. Making sure you had your favorite foods. He purchased an entire bookshelf just for you. He even stockpiled the apartment with soft blanket.

It was a dream come true for you.

You loved it. Waking up with Charles. Eating breakfast with him. Not having to FaceTime him to say goodnight for half the year.

When the summer break for formula 1 came around, you found yourself wanting to go back to your home country. You'd been back in Monaco for less than a week, but the days had you missing things you didn't realize you would.

You liked it in Monaco. It's your home now. But it didn't stop your mind from wandering back to the streets you grew up on. To your friends and family. The shops you frequented.

That's how Charles found you. Sitting at the table, staring into your cup of tea. Lost in the world of your subconscious.

"Mon Amour? Are you alright?"

His voice dragged out out of your thoughts. Your eyes dragging themselves to his face as he found a spot next to you.

He knew something was wrong. There was really no point in trying to lie when it was written all over your body.

You run your finger around the rim of your glass. Taking comfort in Charles nimble fingers running up and down your arm.

"Just a bit homesick, I guess." You confessed. Sighing at your relentless thoughts. Pulling your heart deeper into its sad state.

Charles hums in response. Considering what you'd said to him. "I think I know how to cheer you up." He smirks.

Charles couldn't take you back to your home country currently. You'd been working ridiculously hard, and he'd been busy doing sim work. He'd get you there soon, but for now, he'd settle for trying to get your mind off things.

An hour later, you were dressed and walking down the streets of Monaco. Nonclue where Charles was taking you. Just giggling as he held your hand and pulled you along with him. The two of you are making conversation about anything that pops into your heads.

Charles was basking in the warmth of your smile. So much so that he almost missed his intended destination. A little corner store with a vintage looking sign reading 'Nook's Books'.

"Here we are." He smiled and opened the door for you. A little bell rang to alert the owner that someone had entered.

Charles watched as your mouth opened in awe. Taking in the shelves lined top to bottom with books new and old. "I thought you might like it."

"Why did I never know about this?"

"It's hidden away, so those who don't know the city will have a harder time finding it. It's our own little corner of peace." He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I was going to surprise you right before the wedding."

It didn't take long for you to grab Charles' hand and lead him down the rows of books.

You'd found many books that you liked and had picked a spot on the floor to look through them.

Charles couldn't help but admire you. On the floor surrounded by books. You looked adorable in his eyes.

He plopped down next to you and spread out his arms and legs. Inviting you without words to come rest your body against his. You happy oblige. Crawling into the safety of his arms.

You spent hours in the small store. Charles listening intently as you either talked about a book or read chapters from one.

The twobof you finally left when the store was about to close. Having spent so much time there that it was now dark outside. The streets illuminated with the orangey hue of lampposts.

Charles spun you around as you walked, Making you giggle. Completely unbothered by the nightlife of Monaco.

When you two made it to the outside of the apartment building, Charles pulled you into him.

"I know I can't get you back to your family right now, but are you feeling a bit better?"

"Yes, thank you, for everything." Your eyes met his soft gaze.

"No thanks needed. I was simply doing my job." He chuckled. Leaning in closer to you.

Finally, his lips landed on yours. A loving kiss shared between you two. But this time, when he kissed you, you knew Charles was your home.